Fecalogical Foundations Fractured From Flatulence Findings
(SNN) - Scientists from Harvard University’s Faculty of Fringe Research have published a paper in the esteemed scientific journal, “Esteemed Scientific Journal” that appears to provide concrete evidence that orbs that appear in photographs are actually ghostly gas. Lead Researcher, Dr. Pedro M’Kumba-Nordstrom claims in the report that the results of their studies are not only reproducible, but unassailable.
“Our team has managed to account for every variable that may have unintentionally affected the test results, as well as conducted simultaneous blind experiments alongside the monitored ones so none of the research team members could know which were controls and which were the actual samples,” outlined M’Kumba-Nordstrom. “The data is there for any competent scientist to review and critique but so far, no individual or group has challenged our findings or our methodology.”
One experiment conducted by the Harvard group was to shrink-wrap an abandoned pre-civil war building located just outside of Boston; the First Church of the Holy Rastafarian. Locals have long claimed the dusty stone structure was haunted. The plastic film was applied to contain any gasses that might be present but unaccounted for.
After using an electro-mass-spectrometry analyzer to catalogue every molecule of gas in the room, M’Kumba-Nordstrom’s group was astounded to find methane-based gaseous emissions not ever before observed. Using the other eight elements of the experimental programs that were involved, which can be found in the group’s final report, the data was clear that these new methane compounds could only be spirit fluffs. It has also given scientists in related fields what may be the basis for finding the constituents of ‘ectoplasm’, the material ghosts are made of that up until now remained largely regarded as imaginary.
“Our findings open the doors for more amazing discoveries ahead in many different disciplines,” said the professor who is already being considered as a Nobel Prize recipient. “It is wonderful to be on the ground floor of this exciting field and want to thank our private corporate sponsor, the Beano Company, for their long-standing financial support and encouragement.”
[END] The Sage News
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