Show them this:
‘Why Are We Even Here?’ Officials Probe
KUALA LUMPUR, MALAYSIA—Following a host of conflicting reports in the wake of the mysterious disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 last Saturday, representatives from the Kuala Lumpur–based carrier acknowledged they had widened their investigation into the vanished Boeing 777 aircraft today to encompass not only the possibilities of mechanical failure, pilot error, terrorist activity, or a botched hijacking, but also the overarching scope of space, time, and humankind’s place in the universe.
The airline, now in its fifth day of searching for the passenger jet carrying 239 passengers and crew, has come under fire for its perceived mishandling of the investigation, whose confusing and contradictory reports have failed to provide definitive answers on everything from how long the missing plane remained aloft after losing contact with air traffic controllers, to whether the flight made a radical alteration in its heading, to the very dimensions of space-time and the nature of reality, and what exactly it is that brought us into existence and imbued us with this thing we call life.
Additionally, the airline confirmed it had expanded its active search area to include a several-hundred-square-mile zone in the Indian Ocean as well as each of the seven or 22 additional spatial dimensions posited by string theory.
“We continue to do everything in our power and explore every possible lead—both Cartesian and phenomenological—to locate the aircraft as quickly as possible,” said Malaysia’s civil aviation chief Azharuddin Abdul Rahman, who went on to say that authorities were still actively seeking tips from anyone claiming knowledge related either to the flight, or to the mechanisms by which consciousness arises, or to the question of why anything physical and finite exists instead of nothing at all. “At this stage, we can’t rule anything out: not crew interference with the transponders, not a catastrophic electrical failure, not the emergence of a complex topological feature of space-time such as an Einstein-Rosen bridge that could have deposited the flight at any location in the universe or a different time period altogether, nothing.”
“Could a parallel universe have immediately swelled up from random cosmological fluctuation according to the multiverse theory and swallowed the flight into its folds, or could ice have built up on an airspeed sensor? Those are both options we are currently considering,” Rahman added. “Everything’s on the table. That is, insofar as anything exists at all, which we’re also looking into.”
Our world is full of things no one can explain, from mysterious ancient artifacts to really, really basic stuff we totally should have figured out by now. But once in a while, we do find an answer to one of these fascinating mysteries, and that answer is “just plain old stupid bullshit.” Here are four intriguing questions that should’ve remained unanswered (or just four unnecessarily elaborate cover-ups that prove the government has a sense of whimsy).
#4. “River of Blood” Turns Out to Be an Ink Spill
In late December, residents of the English village of Moulton were left somewhat confused and extremely creeped out when they woke up one morning and found that their local brook had been stained with the blood-red shades of murder. Or murders, because seriously, that’s a fuckload of red.
The villagers rushed to their laptops and informed various social media outlets of their running river of blood, some comparing it to a horror film and others quoting the Book of Revelations, fearing that it was the first sign of the apocalypse. So what was it? A bleeding whale? A serial killer convention? That creepy clown that recently showed up nearby? Nope, the red coloration was caused by nothing other than an ink spill. So the world won’t end, but the villagers may have to endure a red pen shortage for the next decade.
#3. Mysterious Crop Circle Is Just a Publicity Stunt
Another strange event at the end of 2013 that made people think the Mayans may have been off by a year was the mysterious crop circle that popped up in a farmer’s barley field in Chualar, California. The design was so intricately done that the farmer told CNN that he was “baffled” by its appearance.
Naturally, as soon as the story broke, crop circle experts all over the Internet wrote in-depth analyses that claimed to have decoded the secret alien message in the fields, with some of these Fox Mulders declaring that it meant a bright comet would appear this year (presumably foreshadowing some dragons). It was at this point that tech company Nvidia couldn’t contain its giggling any longer and revealed that the crop circle was actually a marketing stunt promoting their latest processing chip. It’s unclear if the farmer was in on the joke or if those dicks stomped his barley without telling him.
NEW YORK—Academy Award-winning director Oliver Stone said Monday that his new film World Trade Center unveils “compelling and controversial” new evidence that a single plane was responsible for all four collisions in New York, Washington, D.C., and Pennsylvania on Sept. 11, 2001.
“Get ready to go through the looking glass here, people,” Stone told reporters at a Manhattan press conference before an advance screening of the movie, which premieres Wednesday. “The film you are about to see is going to blow the lid off the 9/11 Commission’s official report and expose a conspiracy that reaches the highest levels of government.”
World Trade Center, which stars Nicolas Cage as a dedicated Port Authority officer who stumbles on secret evidence amid the rubble and carnage of the terrorist attack, tells a story quite different from what Stone called “the official government line” about the event. According to the film, at 8:46 a.m., a lone commercial airliner flew diagonally through the North Tower of the World Trade Center, maintained a circular holding pattern for approximately 17 minutes, then struck the South Tower before heading to the Pentagon.
After its collision with the center of American military operations, the so-called “magic plane”—which variously and ingeniously identified itself to air-traffic controllers as “American Airlines Flight 11,”
“United Airlines Flight 175,” “American Airlines Flight 77″ and “United Airlines Flight 93″—took to the skies once again, landing at a top-secret “black-ops” Air Force base in West Virginia, where it was reloaded with a group of clones from another shadowy government program that Stone described as “shocking.”
Stone, who said he did not have time to explore the clone angle in the three-and-a-half-hour film, plans to do so in the sequel, September 12.
In a gripping sequence, undercover agents transmit pre-recorded cell-phone messages intended to fool loved ones and relatives with a false cover story as the aircraft heads to its final, prearranged crash site in the fields of southwestern Pennsylvania.
Viewers of the advance screening agreed that the most striking and pivotal scene was Cage’s character’s discovery of . . .
MORE . . .
RICHMOND — Chemtrails were proven to be fact and not mere urban legend after recent Snowden revelations, as photographers around the country captured proven weather modifying chemtrails and shared them on Social Media web sites. However, debate still rages on as to the purpose of chemtrails and as to just who “they” might be spraying the chemtrails.
Darryl Cox, 42, said the skies over Roanoke, Va. were “literally criss-crossed” with poisonous chemtrails – jet plumes, or “contrails” emanating from the exhaust ports of military and commercial jet-liners – and said he no longer feels safe living in the Shenandoah Valley. Cox describes Southwest Va. as a “hotbed” of chemical testing activity.
“Do chemtrails exist? Yes, they do,” said Cox. “But what is the government doing, and is it really even the government? My opinion is and always has been that these damn chemtrails are the work of the airline industry to engineer the air for the benefit of their fuel economy. I figure it don’t take much sprayin’ so’s that the part of the atmosphere they fly through would calm down real quick like. I mean they got control a everything, I tell you.”
Va. Governor-elect Terry McAuliffe (D) said he “does not intend” to constrain commercial air activity over Va., adding that the airline industry is a large source of revenue for the conservative state.
Cox explained that “lizard-people,” like McAuliffe, must eventually answer to the public for their transgressions against the well-being of the electorate.
“I swore to God that I seen them sprayin’ out here just the other day and I’ll tell you now, that was no ‘contrail.’ That there was my death at the hands of the lizard people. Ain’t you never heard about them lizard people? They’ll look just like anyone else, maybe their face a little slack-like. I seen ‘em every damn day. Every damn day. They doin’ this, you seen ‘em breathe it on in like they like it. Like it’s a nice fresh day outside, when chemtrails are rainin’ in.”
It is perhaps no coincidence, then, that Gov. McAuliffe resembles a lizard.
An examination of some questionable events and circumstances leading up to the destruction of the Death Star, through the eyes of an amateur investigative journalist within the Star Wars galaxy. The focus is mainly on the connections between the people who created and operated the Death Star and those responsible for destroying it.
- Death Star 9/11 Conspiracy: Inside Job (satirical) (topinfopost.com)
- The Lego Death Star – Coolest Christmas Toy Ever (meetthemagic.com)
- How one conspiracy theorist decided to stop being such an unmitigated moron [Interesting] (fark.com)
Party Like It’s A Nuclear War !!!
By Mason I. Bilderberg (MIB)
Who is old enough to remember Y2K? I remember it well (translation: i’m old).
Y2K is an acronym for “Year 2000,” or, as it was also known – “The Year 2000 problem, the Y2K problem, the Millennium bug, the Y2K bug, or simply Y2K.” (source) It was the moment when the clocks struck 12:00 AM on Janury 1, 2000 and how it might affect every aspect of our lives. Why?
The year 2000 was a problem for many computers because many computer programs stored years using only the last two digits of the year; for example, 1980 was stored as “80″, the year 1999 was stored as “99″ and the year 2000 would be stored as “00″.
Do you see the problem? Not only did such systems view the year 2000 as “00″, but they also viewed the year 1900 as “00″. Imagine what would happen to half your programs if your computer suddenly thought the current year (2013) was actually the year 1913. Your calendar program, your watch, your smart phone and many other programs we rely on would suddenly be all wacked out. Imagine what would happen to the banking system if this glitch occurred. Would you be able to access your money? Would all your checks suddenly bounce? (On the other hand, maybe the banks would suddenly give us 100 years of accrued interest. But i digress …)
Now imagine if such a glitch were to occur in bigger systems like nuclear electric plants and nuclear weapons? What might go wrong? This is what had a lot of people in a near state of panic.
Would telephone systems shutdown? Would the electric grid turn off across the country – plunging all of us into darkness for an indeterminant amount of time? Would trains run on schedule? Would the air traffic control system lose control? Would our nuclear arsenal behave in some unpredicted manner and cause WWIII? Would the nuclear arsenal in some other country malfunction and bomb us?
It seemed nobody knew for sure what would – or would not – happen. People were concerned and scared.
Enter my favorite moron – Alex Jones.
On New Year’s Eve 1999, the night the clocks were due to change over to the year 2000, The Alex Jones show engaged in some of the most negligent, egregious and irresponsible scare mongering ever. I don’t know of a worse case than this.
In the 3 hours Jones was on the air, he made every conceivable claim of catastrophe imaginable. He took everything people were fearing about Y2K and he claimed those fears were materializing. Everything from cash machines failing, nuclear power plants shutting down, concentration camps (with shackles) being readied, empty grocery store shelves, gas stations out of gas, Martial Law declared, the military serving search warrants in 77 Texas counties – to an actual nuclear missile attack!!!!!!!!
And did any of this actually occur? No. None of it. People were so frightened they reportedly headed for the hills (literally) and got physically sick.
What you are about to hear is approximately 30 minutes of the Alex Jones Show audio from that night. This audio from the Alex Jones Show was part of a radio show broadcast by William (Bill) Cooper on approximately January 4, 2000. Bill Cooper himself was a conspiracy theorist, but even he was disgusted by the antics of Alex Jones and he called him out.
Bill Cooper’s original broadcast was 3 hours long. In the Alex Jones recording i present below, except for the opening 30 seconds, i have edited out all of Bill Cooper’s narratives so you can hear Alex Jones uninterrupted in all his despicable glory.
As i was going through the audio, i noticed breaks in the Alex Jones audio that i assume were done by Bill Cooper’s editing team in preparation for broadcast. Where ever i believed there was an edit i added a half-second “beep” sound. This is to help avoid confusion as the conversation would sometimes abruptly change topics. So listen for the beeps (you can’t miss them).
Below the audio you will find a complete transcript of notes i made of what to expect in the audio. This will help you follow along. Where ever you see the word “Regurgitation,” that is my own shorthand to indicate it is a previously mentioned point being repeated by Jones – a tactic he uses to give the impression he has a pile of information. Any words [inside brackets] are commentaries i made for myself.
Believe me, this is an audio clip Alex Jones wishes would go away.
Mason I. Bilderberg.
P.S. If anybody knows where i can find a copy of the full 3 hour Alex Jones Show from 12/31/1999 please let me know.
P.P.S. I apologize in advance for any spelling errors.
Alex Jones Y2K (30 minutes):
- 0:00 Bill Cooper sets up the scene.
- 0:27 Cash machines are failing in Britain and other European countries
- 0:32 Finding large amounts of explosives in France
- 1:03 More wars then in the last 50 years is going on right now
1:07 The war in chechnya is raging with hundreds of thousands dying
- 1:13 20,000 to 40,000 civilians trapped in the city [presumably chechnya]
- 1:16 Russian Hinds (Helicopter) are being shot down, tanks are being blown to bits
- 1:20 Massive Grad unguided rocket attacks are being launched from the city
- 1:26 Air and artillery bombardments [presumably chechnya]
- 1:39 Pennsylvania nuclear plant (Limerick Generating Station) has been shut down [implied because of Y2K-related problems. Not true. The Nuclear Regulatory Commission (NRC) findings are contained in the image, below]
- 1:49 The shelves (In TX) are empty of water and gas stations are running out of fuel
- 1:50 In Minneapolis and Texas the shortwave (radio) is down
- 2:50 The Pennsylvania nuclear plant and (now) 4 other nuclear plants were having Y2K-related problems [See 3:04 mark]
- 3:12 The government in Washington D.C. has set up a $50M command bunker that is hooked into FEMA and they can take over all the shortwave (radio), AM/FM radio stations and all television and other broadcast stations
- 3:34 The police and military [presumably nationwide] are on high alert
- 3:41 The military are highly visible [presumably in the streets]
- 3:45 Trains of military equipment moving into Austin, TX
- 3:53 The airport (Robert Mueller Airport) will be used as a massive holding facility [ala concentration camps]
- 4:03 Vladimir Putin is a demon
4:12 Now 6 to 7 (nuclear) reactors having Y2K related problems [Not true]
- 4:50 Globalist Forces are gearing up to clamp down on America, Russia and the world
- 5:08 America is gearing up and bracing for terrorism and militarizing everything in front of us.
- 5:19 The Russians have deployed Topol-M “first strike” missiles across Russia while (Boris) Yeltsin (Russian President) has been openly threatening to nuke us [See the 5:44 mark].
- 6:00 They (Russia) have deployed their missiles and submarines against us (America).
- 6:09 Vladimir Putin, who just took over as Russian President, has “taken the codes off” Russia’s nuclear arsenal. (The Russian nuclear arsenal no longer requires a secret code to initiate a nuclear missile attack on America.)
- 6:25 Discussing America being hit with a nuclear first-strike and the ensuing annihilation.
- 7:27 Regurgitation: Pennsylvania Electric Company (PECO), Limerick Generating Station (here and here) was shutdown [presumably because of Y2K-related problems. Not true. The Nuclear Regulatory Commission (NRC) findings are contained in the image, below].
- 7:38 Doesn’t challenge a caller paraphrasing (Colonel) Bo Gritz who said, that Russia said, if their (Russia) power goes out they will blame us and they (Russia) would set off their nuclear arsenal.
- 8:01 The Russians are threatening to nuke us every, single week.
- 8:25 Currencies around the world are plunging
- 8:39 Gas stations in America are out of gas
- 8:58 American’s are standing up as Russia threatens to attack us with nuclear weapons
- 9:02 Nuclear power plants are being shutdown
- 9:07 The military is “running around” with the police and the FBI saying terrorism is imminent [the takeover is beginning]
- 9:25 “They” have activated a powerful, cold war, radar system in the north pole region [presumably to keep an eye out for a Russian ICBM attack] that is affecting shortwave (radio)
- 9:46 Military traffic is EVERYWHERE
- 9:52 Regurgitation: Super power, cold war radar systems (presumably to keep an eye out for a Russian ICBM attack) and nuclear systems are up.
- 10:07 Fresno (California?) is blacked out, he (Jones) is off the internet
- 10:25 [Scare tactic, Survivalist Commercial]
- 11:03 “America is under siege right now.”
- 11:14 Regurgitation: Pennsylvania nuclear power plant shutdown
- 11:33 Egypt is having a run on the banks
- 11:45 Regurgitation: The power in Fresno (California?) is down, he is off the internet
- 11:50 Regurgitation: Cash machines and ATMs in Europe are having problems
- 12:03 Martial Law signs are posted on highway 65 in Arkansas by the Arkansas Transportation Department
- 12:52 Regurgitation: In Austin, TX they have announced it is a concentration camp at Robert Mueller Airport
- 13:09 At Fort Hood giant, long lines of trains with flat cars loaded with APCs (Armored Personnel Carriers) and LAVs (Light Armored Vehicles)
- 13:33 They (Fort Hood) have flat bed trailers, large cattle trailer-types (think concentration camps)
- 14:17 A power plant in michigan is prepared to shutdown when “given the order.”
- 15:01 If you don’t have a supply of potassium iodide, now is the time to get your supply of potassium iodide in case of a russian nuclear attack.
- 15:18 Regurgitation: The Russians have been publicly threatening to nuke us and they’ve been deploying their missiles against us.
- 15:33 We will not survive a nuclear first strike
- 15:58 Regurgitation: Austin (TX) is out of water and gas
- 16:03 Regurgitation: The city of Fresno (California?) is blacked out
- 16:18 Russia and China are now threatening to nuke us
- 16:42 Discussing how the Russians have been building the biggest bunker ever known to man
- 17:16 Our (America’s) designated nuclear fallout shelters are parking garages so “they” can move in later to pull out all the rotten skeletons after “they” emerge from “their” shelters.
- 17:57 Regurgitation: Pennsylvania nuclear power plant shutdown
- 18:12 Regurgitation: Nuclear power plant problems in PA (Pennsylvania), shutdowns (?), power outages in Fresno (California?)
- 18:40 Regurgitation: Russia and China have been threatening to nuke us.
- 18:58 Regurgitation: The Russians deployed their Topol-M “first strike” missiles 2.5 weeks ago.
- 19:09 The head of the Russian missiles systems, a top general, has been threatening to nuke us and he reserves first strike authority to attack us – even though they have no reason to attack us.
- 19:25 A power plant has been blown up in Oregon [Not true]
- 19:36 “Clinton has pulled it.” (????)
20:26 Massive Y2K problems being reported across the globe.
- 20:55 Regurgitation: In Austin, TX Robert Mueller Airport, the local news was showing off the “detainment facilities.” [i.e. concentration camps]
- 21:15 The local news showed the barbed wired fences inside the Robert Mueller Airport facility.
- 21:18 There are “shackles on the ground, concreted into the ground” at Robert Mueller Airport – like a slave galley.
- 21:42 New Zealand is having power outages
- 21:57 Regurgitation: Pennsylvania nuclear power plant shutdown
- 22:33 Regurgitation: Vladimir Putin threatens to nuke us
- 22:50 Regurgitation: Pennsylvania nuclear power plant shutdown
- 22:55 The power is off in 8 different areas across the country
- 22:58 A lot of cable systems aren’t working
- 23:01 Satellites are down
- 23:09 “Minor fault (???) struck two nuclear power plants in Japan just seconds after the clock ticked into 2000 …”
- 23:25 Anybody near a nuclear power plant should pack up and go someplace else.
- 23:37 The store shelves are bare in Austin, TX.
- 23:43 Regurgitation: Gas is running out.
- 23:44 They’re announcing on the news that, “if you’re bad they’re going to put you in a … they’re going to bolt you to a pipe coming out of the ground at the airport (Robert Mueller Airport) in some cold hangar.”
- 24:04 “The military is serving search warrants now in 77 Texas counties.”
- 24:08 Regurgitation: “We got nuclear power plants shutting down.”
- 24:20 Regurgitation: The Russians are threatening to nuke us RIGHT NOW.
- 24:40 Regurgitation: “Well, they got the Armored Personnel Carriers (APCs) and LAVs (Light Armored Vehicles) loading on the flat cars out of Fort Hood.”
- 25:06 There are currently nuclear missiles being launched.
- 25:15 ABC (news) just had a special news bulletin – a military General standing in front of Cheyenne Mountain (nuclear bunker) announced 5 nuclear missiles have been launched.
- 25:44 The general refused to say what kind of missiles, where they were coming from or where they were going.
- 25:58 This secrecy is just like when the special operations training that was conducted with the Russians in south TX when they burned buildings and laying siege to towns [never happend]
- 26:44 Jones’ co-host: “You elect me to president and i will nuke them (Russians) first, i’ll push the button as soon as i take the oath … i’m opening up that football and start launching, man.”
- 26:55 Regurgitation: The Russians have been threatening to nuke us, they reserve the first strike right to hit us for no reason and Clinton said he will absorb the first strike by the Russians.
- 27:06 Jones’ co-host: Hopes one of those 5 incoming nuclear missiles is headed towards Clinton.
- 27:12 Regurgitation: a military General standing in front of Cheyenne Mountain (nuclear bunker) announced 5 nuclear missiles have been launched.
- 27:39 Jones complains that the television network went to a commercial break after announcing 5 nuclear missiles have been launched.
- 27:53 A NORAD commander was on the news. “Space Command” (Air Force Space Command) is now running everything.
- 28:20 The perceived enemy is “obviously” the American people.
- 28:36 Regurgitation: It’s on ABC news that 5 nuclear missiles have been launched.
- 28:57 The night before (12/30/99), anything and everything on the flight line at Selfridge Air National Guard Base was put into the air and was constantly in the air. [i.e. The U.S. is preparing for a nuclear attack]
- 29:11 Regurgitation: Super power, cold war radar systems [presumably to keep an eye out for a Russian ICBM attack] are turned on.
- 29:21 The Russians are not the only ones we need to be concerned about … we should worry about the Chinese too.
- 20:24 We also need to be worried about Germany.
- 29:58 Regurgitation: It’s on ABC news that 5 nuclear missiles have been launched.
- 30:03 Regurgitation: a military General standing in front of Cheyenne Mountain (nuclear bunker) announced 5 nuclear missiles have been launched.
- 30:25 Jones complains, “we’re calmly sitting here knowing nuclear missiles could be about to rain down!”
- 30:42 Discussing “Who launched?” Was it the U.S., a ballistics submarine? . . .
- 30:54 Jones’ co-host: “No offense, but I hope it was us who launched.”
- 31:19 Vladimir Putin is the Fuhrer.
Photographs of the lunar surface taken while the ‘Jade Rabbit’ probe was in orbit and further investigations on the ground have now been analysed and show that areas where US landings were thought to have taken place reveal a surface untouched by man, and no sign of any golf activity whatsoever.
‘They were never there at all,’ said baffled Chinese Foreign Minster, Wang Yi, ‘All those conspiracy theories about Americans making stuff up to make themselves look good turn out to be true. And we would never have known if it weren’t for the glorious People’s Lunar probe of China re-writing history and putting the record straight.’
The findings were even more disappointing for the scientists who created the probe. They had equipped Jade Rabbit with special cutting tools for shredding any American flags it found and replacing them with China’s own. Special legs were also fitted so that the rover could sidle up to remnants of any American spacecraft and kick it and kick it and kick it in the most contemptuous manner possible.
‘We thought, well, what were they going to do, they’d have to send a mission to go back and replant them, surely?’ Mr Yi added. ‘Our policy was simple: all they would have to do was ask us to lend them the money to do it. And then we’d say no. Ha ha ha ha ha! Pig dogs! It’s such a shame that we won’t now get the chance to HUMILIATE them again.’
The Chinese lunar programme is set to accelerate, Mr Yi confirmed. ‘We are building a space centre in the Gobi desert, with a mission control room, astronaut training and a massive sound stage made to look like the moon from where our fake landing will be broadcast to the world in 2016,’ he stated, completely oblivious to the fact that he may have given too much away and will probably be shot in the morning.
Note: The above story is a spoof. – MIB :)
- Chinese lunar rover finds no evidence of American moon landings (onesoulmanyfacesbook.wordpress.com)
- Chinese lunar rover finds no evidence of American moon landings (talesfromthelou.wordpress.com)
- China Lands Unmanned Jade Rabbit Rover on Moon (guardianlv.com)
- YUTU Moon Rover images WARNING Comet ISON (disclose.tv)
- Chinese sci-fi writers laud moon landing (spacedaily.com)
- Chinese spacecraft lands on moon (theguardian.com)
Click the the first image to begin the slideshow.
Mason I. Bilderberg (MIB)
The documents describe an operation known as MILK COOKIES, based out of Fort Meade and run in conjunction with the U.S. Postal Service. COOKIES is the interception of the letters while MILK feeds them through a complex series of algorithms to spot any hidden messages.
Agency director Gen. Keith Alexander had previously testified to Congress in 2011 that the NSA would occasionally collect letters addressed to Santa, but insisted that it was totally accidental and that no one was actually reading or storing them.
The NSA is prohibited from directly monitoring American citizens under both Executive Order 12333 and the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act. However, because the letters are addressed to the North Pole, which falls outside of U.S. territory, they are considered potential foreign intelligence signals which the NSA is authorized to intercept.
Speaking on condition of anonymity, a former senior administration official defended the program: ”We’re only looking for any unusual presents, like children who ask Santa for pressure cookers, large amounts of ammonium nitrate fertilizer, hyzadrine rocket fuel, things like that. I mean a six-year old with a hammer is bad enough; just try to imagine that same six-year old with a truck bomb.”
The leaked reports show that the NSA also routinely hacked Santa’s Naughty and Nice List for any information on world leaders, and at one point tried to smuggle surveillance devices disguised as lumps of coal into Santa’s sack. They also reveal the existence of a massive NSA data storage center at the North Pole, known as ELFCHELON, which dwarfs even the planned one at Utah, and is capable of storing letters dating back to 1952.
The documents were part of the massive data haul taken by fugitive whistleblower and Playgirl centerfold Edward Snowden, whom the former official referred to as “a very naughty boy.”
JEWISH CABAL HEADQUARTERS, JERUSALEM — Saying that they never intended to behave quite so mercilessly, several prominent architects of the global Jewish conspiracy aired their concerns Thursday that they perhaps came down a little too hard on local man Jeff Crawford yesterday.
The Zionist leaders within the international political, banking, and entertainment spheres who together dictate the world’s economy, media, and political structures told reporters that they regretted wielding their enormous influence in order to hinder the unemployed 42-year-old roofer at every turn throughout Wednesday, agreeing that their combined efforts to systematically impede the non-Jewish man’s financial stability, happiness, and general well-being were “a bit much.”
“While it is generally in our best interest to frustrate hardworking Anglo-Saxon Protestants like Jeff at every turn with our extreme wealth and power, I think we definitely went a little overboard on the guy yesterday,” financier Julian Rothschild told reporters from deep within the Semitic cabal’s secret underground headquarters five miles beneath Jerusalem. “Sometimes you just get so caught up in the fervor of working with every Jewish man, woman, and child to prevent the world’s gentiles from ever achieving success that you take things a little too far, and that’s exactly what happened with Jeff yesterday.”
“Everyone feels just awful about it,” Rothschild added.
As characterized by numerous organizers of the massive conspiracy—including Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, banker Paul Warburg III, and Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke—Wednesday’s attacks on Crawford were “a bit unfair” to the father of three and lifelong Methodist. Specifically, the conspirators pointed to instances yesterday in which Crawford was fired from a contracting job, had the interest rate on his mortgage raised, and was given false traffic updates by a Jewish-owned radio station, calling these episodes gratuitous and “way over the top, even for us.”
Moreover, members expressed contrition over having ensured that Crawford’s recent loan application with Citibank was rejected yesterday, saying that, other than not being born of the Chosen People, Crawford had done nothing to deserve such harsh persecution.
“We were originally just going to raise the cost of his health care premiums and maybe mess with his credit score a little, but things quickly spiraled out of control,” said noted Elder of Zion Abraham Meyersicht, 102, saying that yesterday’s abuses were all the more excessive in light of the fact that Hollywood’s Jewish overseers had canceled Crawford’s favorite television show earlier this year. “And that thing where we had the police pull him over and give him a huge ticket after we sent a guy to knock out one of his taillights was just adding insult to injury.”
- Worldwide Jewish Conspiracy Worried It Came Down Too Hard On Jeff Yesterday (theonion.com)
- Conspiracy Expert Claims Those Claiming There’s A Jewish Conspiracy Are Themselves The Conspiracy (variouspontifications.com)
- Iran’s Press TV Claims American Jews Are “Incubating Another Hitler” (adl.org)
- “The World Cup Is Jewish Conspiracy” (elderofziyon.blogspot.com)
By Kim Z Dale via Listing Toward Forty – chicagonow.com
Top secret documents leaked by former contractor Edward Let-It-Snowden reveal a previously unknown NSA program code-named SANTA (Securing America’s Noel Toy Allotment). A key component of the SANTA program is the use of hidden recording and transmitting devices in Elf on the Shelf dolls. The Elf on the Shelf dolls allow the NSA to secretly monitor citizens from inside their own homes.
Via the SANTA program the NSA has been able to collect highly personal data about millions of America’s children, including but not limited to
- When they are sleeping
- When they are awake
- Whether they’ve been bad or good
Additionally, the children are asked to name each Elf on the Shelf, which serves as a subversive psychological exam. Although the details of the NSA’s criteria are not fully known, examples in the leaked documents indicate that naming an Elf on the Shelf “Bob” or “George Washington” or “Eagle” results in a rating of “nice.” Naming an Elf on the Shelf “Osama” or “Saddam” or “Death to America” will result in a household being flagged as “naughty” likely leading to a drone strike.
Since the program has become public many have criticized SANTA’s spying as a violation of civil liberties, an example of unlawful monitoring, and a gross abuse of power. Others, however, feel the scope of the SANTA program is too limited.
“The biggest weakness of SANTA is that it only monitors families who celebrate Christmas,” said one Republican lawmaker. “It turns out a lot of people don’t even celebrate Christmas. At all. Can you imagine? Those are the people we should be watching.”
The best way to avoid being monitored is to boycott the Elf on the Shelf product. If, however, you already have an Elf on the Shelf in your home you can wrap it in aluminum foil to prevent it from transmitting data to SANTA.
- the elf (not always) on the shelf… (houseofmayhemandchaos.com)
- Elf on The Shelf – Top Secret Meeting with Santa! (forthemommas.com)
- Are You Doing Elf On The Shelf? (new102.cbslocal.com)
- Elf On The Shelf’s Costly Christmas Caper (littlemisswordy.wordpress.com)
- Elf On The Shelf Birthday Tradition (juststopscreaming.com)
- The Inherent Dangers of Elf on the Shelf (balancedawesomeness.wordpress.com)
- Elf on the Shelf: A Sequel to the Popular Book is Released (webpronews.com)
- The Elf on the Shelf: Who Invited This Guy To Christmas?? (amovingstory.com)
Just made this image. Post it where conspiracists congregate, grab the popcorn and enjoy the show.
Mason I. Bilderberg
- Same Sh**, Different Year. (illuminutti.com)
- “Fast and Furious” Star Paul Walker Was Assassinated by an Obama Drone Strike? (illuminutti.com)
- Conspiracists busy fighting the NWO! (illuminutti.com)
- The Conspiratorial Mind (illuminutti.com)
Via The Onion
(Above video: The indescribably stupid conspiracy theorist says the U.S. government has been funneling money to NASA for years.)
BARRINGTON, RI — Calling it the most scandalous cover-up of the past half century, dim-witted conspiracy theorist Daniel Burgess told reporters Thursday he believes the U.S. government has, for years, been clandestinely exercising total control over the National Aeronautics and Space Administration.
The 34-year-old dullard cited a wealth of evidence he said proves “beyond a doubt” that every NASA project—from Project Mercury to the moon landings to the shuttle program—has been approved and bankrolled by the federal government.
“Follow the money and you’ll find out who pulls NASA’s puppet strings: Washington, D.C.,” the unfathomable moron said. “The arrangement goes way back, too. Do you think it’s a coincidence that when NASA went to the moon they just happened to plant an American flag there? Don’t tell me the feds had nothing to do with that. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were on the government’s payroll. All astronauts are.”
“Think about it: The funding has to come from somewhere,” continued Burgess, mentioning records he found online that suggest the federal budget included $16.9 billion for NASA in the year 2013 alone. “And they’ve been careless enough to leave a massive paper trail.”
The simpleminded dope said he also finds it “highly suspicious” that so many astronauts have been ex-military personnel who came up through the U.S. Air Force.
According to Burgess, all the evidence linking the government to the space program is “hidden in plain sight.” Speaking to reporters from the basement of his home, where he waded through copious binders of documents representing more than a decade’s worth of research, he alleged that “every single president since Dwight Eisenhower” has been complicit in NASA’s operation. Richard Nixon approved the development of Skylab, he said, and Bill Clinton conspired to allow the International Space Station to move forward.
“Kennedy was in on all of it, too—he was actually one of the main guys, right from the start of his presidency,” said Burgess, pointing to several pictures of NASA administrator James Webb meeting with John F. Kennedy. “I’ve seen transcripts of his speeches, and I’m convinced: Kennedy knew. He knew about NASA the whole time. In the early ’60s, he talked about wanting to see a man on the moon ‘before this decade is out,’ and guess which organization did exactly that?”
By Mason I. Bilderberg
Are you looking to impress a love interest who happens to be neck deep into everything woo?
Are you at a loss finding the right words that speak to their chakras?
Well Stinky, this is your lucky day!!!
Hop on over to the Random Deepak Chopra Quote Generator – Wisdom of Chopra.
With the click of your mouse you will receive a very special message of woo courtesy of Deepak inspired words being randomly strung together. Even though you’ll recognize the Wisdom of Chopra message as meaningless mind-numbing ramblings from the crazy house, your higher consciousness love interest will be so totally impressed with your new found soul-penetrating revelations that the two of you will be energizing each others deeper universe before you can say “An inch of surprise leads to a mile of gratefulness.”
So hone your chakra chops now, go to Wisdom of Chopra.
Mason I. Bilderberg (MIB)
- Shermer and Harris pwn Chopra at Caltech (illuminutti.com)
- Deepak Chopra Gets Upset, Tries The Harvard Gambit (forbes.com)
- Forbes goes after The Chopra (whyevolutionistrue.wordpress.com)
- Video: Dangerous Ideas – Deepak Chopra and Richard Dawkins 2013-11-09 (homoeconomicusnet.wordpress.com)
I take back all my mean jokes ridiculing you and your belief in cell phone towers of death.
I found this 100% legitimate photo, my mind has been changed, i was wrong.
Mason I. Bilderberg
- Letter to Industry Minister James Moore: Local mother’s urgent plea for help (stopthebelldragotower.wordpress.com)
- Cedar Rapids school board kills proposal for Johnson Elementary cell tower (thegazette.com)
- November 22nd, 1963: The day the FBI failed. (theobamacrat.com)
- Newspapers from November 22, 1963 (joshsternberg.com)
- The Kennedy Assassination (November 22, 1963) 50 Years Later (unreportedtoday.com)
Here is your assignment for the day . . . be sure to read and sign the linked petition below to help increase the use of chemtrail spraying.
Excerpt from the petition:
Gentlemen and Lizard People,
We concerned citizens have noticed an increase in anti-chemtrail protests online and in the streets. Clearly your mind control is not working to its full potential, many of the sheeple have awakened. Therefore we request that you step up chemtrail spraying efforts at once, to bring them back into line. We know you will take this request seriously, because secret unaccountable governments are always highly swayed by online petitions.
The People for More Chemtrails
Remember, it’s of the utmost importance that we, the iLLumiNuTTi, maintain control of the world. The best way to do this is to promote and maintain a docile, compliant populace using the airborne spraying of mind numbing, chemical agents.
In furtherance of our agenda … Please read and sign this petition!
Mason I. Bilderberg (MIB)
P.S. If you’re new to our organization and would like more information before signing this petition, please watch the Illumicorp Video Training Course.
Bank runs in February 2009. 9/11-scale terror attacks in 2010. 50% of the U.S. population will be killed in a bio-weapons attack in 2009. 16 year-old soldiers will enforce nationwide martial law by 2012. A major terror attack will occur in the U.S. by the end of summer 2009 (oh, and it’s a false flag). The U.S. will go to war with Russia in 2009. Texas stores are being looted and National Guard troops are moving into Austin right this minute (December 31, 1999). The UN will announce the presence of ET intelligence during 2009 to stage a NWO takeover. The U.S. dollar will be devalued by 50% by 2012.
If you’re Alex Jones, you’re used to being wrong. But that doesn’t stop his wild-eyed fans from listening – there’s always another edge-of-your-seat, apocalyptic prediction coming down the pipeline, after all. In this highly entertaining mash-up, Alex Jones Clips runs down 45 of the most wild, failed Alex Jones predictions.
[END] via disinformation (disinfo.com)
- Alex Jones articles on iLLumiNuTTi.com
- Is Alex Jones a False Flag? (carlcymru.wordpress.com)
- Alex Jones: Globalist conspiracy created Navy Yard ‘patsy’ shooter to ‘discredit’ me (rawstory.com)
It’s been a week now since the part of the federal government shut down due to lack of funding because Congress can not agree on a budget.
Since much of the government has been shut down due to funding there is a question I have for conspiracy theorists: Who is paying the shills?
Now according to many conspiracy theorists shills are apparently anyone who goes around the internet spreads what they consider to be “dis-information” to discredit their conspiracy theories (which for some reason is often times backed up with facts and logic).
Basically, skeptics and debunkers (those people claim to be volunteering their time to debunk conspiracy theories on the internet, but according to many conspiracy theorists, are being paid by the government to spread dis-information, and who’s only “evidence” they have to prove that they are shills is simply that they disagree with the conspiracy theorist).
So if the government is shut down, then why do shills like myself (according to conspiracy theorists) still have their sites up, and are still posting blog articles debunking conspiracy theories?
- Why do people lie about their belief in a Conspiracy Theory? (illuminutti.com)
- 5 Things I’ve noticed about… Bizarre Conspiracy Theories (illuminutti.com)
- How “The Matrix” inspired Conspiracy Theorists (and Vice-Verse) (illuminutti.com)
- 5 Conspiracy Theories that would be easy to prove (illuminutti.com)
- 6 Conspiracy theories that make people paranoid (illuminutti.com)
- 5 Things I’ve noticed about… 9/11 Conspiracy Theories (illuminutti.com)
- Charlie Veitch, the 9/11 Conspiracy Theorist Who Realized He Was Duped (illuminutti.com)
- Should we hire shills to get the word out on valid conspiracy theories? (lunaticoutpost.com)
- WTF is a shill and who the hell would pay them? (lunaticoutpost.com)
- Great article on shills…check it out! (lunaticoutpost.com)
OKAY . . . You only THINK you’ve seen the best prank ever . . . WATCH THIS!
What if telekinesis was real? How would you react? Our hidden camera experiment captures the reactions of unsuspecting customers at a New York City coffee shop as they witness a telekinetic event.
- Prank Video Shows How People Would React if Carrie and Her Telekinetic Powers Were Real–Watch Now! (eonline.com)
- Prank Video Shows How People Would React if Carrie and Her Telekinetic … – E! Online (topbreakingnews.info)
- Holy Sh*T! Telekinetic Coffee Shop Prank Might Be The Craziest Video You’ll See All Day (elitedaily.com)
- Watch This Girl With Telekinetic Powers Freak Out Coffee Shop Patrons (gizmodo.com)
- Carrie Coffee Shop Prank Video: People Freak Out When Girl Uses “Telekinetic Powers” (gossipcop.com)
Dick Van Dyke’s home had terrible feng shui. Improper positioning had him stumbling, fumbling, and tumbling all over the house. The futon in the living room had a particularly negative qi about it. To think of all the slapstick sitcoms we would be deprived of if feng shui were true…
If feng shui were true, already unbearable construction delays in major cities would be dwarfed by the demands of magnetism. The magnetic compass—built specifically for the practice of feng shui—guides modern feng shui application, and would dictate giant, regular shifts in the world’s architecture. The true magnetic north of our planet moves around like a cosmic stir stick in coffee, meaning that the proper alignment of a desk, room, or building moves as well.
To optimize the flow of qi, whole cities would need to shift every so often. Counties that could not afford the grand re-alignments would undergo terrible consequences. As magnetic poles wobbled, people would begin to feel sick and uneasy in their own homes. Others would experience piercingly odd feelings of “oneness.” Culture would begin to adapt accordingly. Certain months of the year would bring a general “lack of wellness” to a society. Alerts of shifting alignments would go out like air quality warnings. A neighbor’s house, now negatively positioned relative to your own, would affect you personally. Like accusations of witchcraft in the middle ages, a world where feng shui was true makes condemnation of a neighbor as simple as “they make me feel sick.”
With a reliance on the Earth’s magnetic field, true feng shui would drive a demand for consumer compasses. Smart phones would be outfitted with sensors. Dinner guests would have ample reason to avoid a tour of your home if the compass said so. But compass reliance also makes certain parts of the world uninhabitable. Building a positively positioned home at either of our planet’s poles, for example, would be impossible. With magnetic north so close, even walking a few feet to the right or left in such a home would drastically change the relative alignments of the structures within.
If feng shui worked, the optimal layouts for buildings would enter “best practices” manuals in architecture. Schools would have desks and hallways oriented in such a way as to promote learning. Hospitals would do the same with staircases, beds, and surgical theaters to promote healing. Feng shui masters would descend regularly to houses expecting children, ensuring the proper environment. “Energetic” layouts would be on every bachelor’s mind.
The DMV would get a radical overhaul to reduce the stress within its walls.
- Feng Shui for the Body (bigbodybeautiful.wordpress.com)
- Position of Chandelier in Feng Shui (prophet666.com)
- What color to paint the kitchen for good feng shui? (feng-shui-at-home.knowledge-pool.com)
- Feng Shui and I (over40andkillingit.wordpress.com)
- 11 Feng Shui Tips to Overcome Debt and Deficiency (omtimes.com)
- Genetically Modified Feng Shui (omtimes.com)
- What spread would be good to use with Feng Shui Tarot deck? (feng-shui-at-home.knowledge-pool.com)
- Need advice where I can find an online feng shui expert? (feng-shui-at-home.knowledge-pool.com)
- Top 10 Crystals for Feng Shui (omtimes.com)
- Feng Shui (cwiceangel.wordpress.com)
I’ve finally done it! I found it! Somebody finally mapped out the conspiracy to rule the world!
It basically comes down to this: EVERYBODY is in cahoots with EVERYBODY else to SECRETLY rule the world!
- 5 Things I’ve noticed about… 9/11 Conspiracy Theories (illuminutti.com)
- ‘Chemtrails’ and other aviation conspiracy theories (illuminutti.com)
- What Conspiracy Theories Teach Us About Reason (illuminutti.com)
- Conspiracy theories are the refuse bins for logical fallacies (illuminutti.com)
- Like Sandy Hook, the Washington Navy Yard Shooting Will Soon Be Co-opted By Conspiracy Theorists (illuminutti.com)
- In Conspiracy Theory Women Have No Agency (omegavirginrevolt.wordpress.com)
I don’t know how I missed this one, given that it’s over two weeks old, but I did. Since yesterday was a holiday in the US and I had done a long post the day before because something that happened on Friday had really irritated me, I figured I might as well take a stab at this because it represents one of my “favorite” quack apologists at his most over-the-top quackiest. More importantly, it won’t take too much brain power to deconstruct, but could be entertaining nonetheless. I’m referring, of course, to Mike Adams, the “Health Ranger,” of NaturalNews.com. Of course, nothing by Mike Adams is usually that difficult to deconstruct. Normally his screeds usually only come to my attention when he delves into pure despicable rhetoric, as when he tried to blame the Sandy Hook shootings on psychiatric medications last year, or when they are just so downright hilarious.
This is one of those hilarious times.
What I’m referring to is Mike Adam’s breathless announcement that he had found fibers—yes, fibers!—when he examined McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets under a microscope. If you want to get a whiff of the true hilarity of his article, just look at the title of the two articles he wrote about it, McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets found to contain mysterious fibers, hair-like structures; Natural News Forensic Food Lab posts research photos, video and More Chicken McNugget ‘strange fiber’ photos released by Natural News Forensic Food Labs. Besides the sheer facepalm-level silliness of Adams referring to anything he does at NaturalNew.com as being a “forensic food lab,” the articles are a treasure trove of unintentional humor for anyone who is the least bit knowledgeable about science or microscopy, although unfortunately the science-challenged think it’s slam-dunk evidence of how evil McDonalds is. In the interests of full disclosure, I’ve been known to eat at McDonalds every so often, although probably less than once every month or two. When I do go there, Chicken McNuggets just aren’t my thing. I tried them once and didn’t particularly like them. So I don’t really have a dog in this hunt, as they say, other than the amusement I derive sometimes from watching Mike Adams make a fool of himself. If someone somewhere had done credible science showing horrific things in Chicken McNuggets, I’d probably be inclined to accept it.
Mike Adams does no such thing.
What drew my attention back to these articles, though, was a hilariously inept attempt at “humor” from Mike Adams (pretty much all his attempts at humor are spectacularly inept) entitled Actual female zombie attacks McDonald’s drive-thru window, unleashes living dead rampage for Chicken McNuggets. What is Adams’ damning evidence? Well, just take a look at this video:
Adams is alarmed, saying that “microscopic photos reveal an alien-like landscape with weird shapes and fibers.” He sounds like someone who’s never looked at common every day objects under a microscope before. Pretty much every object, if you magnify it enough, will reveal an “alien-like landscape with weird shapes” and, possibly, depending on what you’re looking at, fibers. Yet, to Adams, this is horrific and alarming.
Well, my favorite moron is at it again. This time he claims to have been racially attacked dozens of times, yet he manages to resist the urge to become a racist.
Alex Jones claimed on his radio show that he has been racially attacked dozens of times, but was “smart enough not to become a racist over it,” unlike many who used racial violence as excuse for the further “balkanization” of society.
“I’ve been racially attacked by black people, probably—let’s not exaggerate—thirty-five times?” Jones said. “I’ve been racially attacked by Hispanics, let’s not exaggerate, five times. Let me tell you, that’s when you really get hurt bad. Compound fractures, you name it.”
“I am sick of it,” Jones said. “I am sick of the fact that I have been racially attacked over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. And the politically correct thing to do is just offer your kids up to have their noses broken and their eyes blackened and their bones broken, because the one thing you don’t do is ever go stand up against it. That’s what political correctness is in this country.”
Jones blamed racial violence on “tribalism,” arguing that white cops will always beat up black men and vice versa.
“I’m smart enough to not become a racist over this. I’m smart enough to understand the manipulation. I’m smart enough to understand the geopolitical ramifications, and to actually try to bring people together to have a gang—because everybody’s tribal, that’s what it is, we’re designed like that—based on private property and the family and liberty and freedom and being honorable.”
Watch the full segment here, via mofopolitics.com:
- Alex Jones: I’ve Been ‘Racially Attacked’ Dozens of Times (mediaite.com)
- Alex Jones: I have been racially attacked by African-Americans and Hispanics (newsbooze.com)
- Alex Jones: I’ve Been ‘Racially Attacked’ Dozens of Times (smd12364.newsvine.com)
Fecalogical Foundations Fractured From Flatulence Findings
(SNN) - Scientists from Harvard University’s Faculty of Fringe Research have published a paper in the esteemed scientific journal, “Esteemed Scientific Journal” that appears to provide concrete evidence that orbs that appear in photographs are actually ghostly gas. Lead Researcher, Dr. Pedro M’Kumba-Nordstrom claims in the report that the results of their studies are not only reproducible, but unassailable.
“Our team has managed to account for every variable that may have unintentionally affected the test results, as well as conducted simultaneous blind experiments alongside the monitored ones so none of the research team members could know which were controls and which were the actual samples,” outlined M’Kumba-Nordstrom. “The data is there for any competent scientist to review and critique but so far, no individual or group has challenged our findings or our methodology.”
One experiment conducted by the Harvard group was to shrink-wrap an abandoned pre-civil war building located just outside of Boston; the First Church of the Holy Rastafarian. Locals have long claimed the dusty stone structure was haunted. The plastic film was applied to contain any gasses that might be present but unaccounted for.
After using an electro-mass-spectrometry analyzer to catalogue every molecule of gas in the room, M’Kumba-Nordstrom’s group was astounded to find methane-based gaseous emissions not ever before observed. Using the other eight elements of the experimental programs that were involved, which can be found in the group’s final report, the data was clear that these new methane compounds could only be spirit fluffs. It has also given scientists in related fields what may be the basis for finding the constituents of ‘ectoplasm’, the material ghosts are made of that up until now remained largely regarded as imaginary.
“Our findings open the doors for more amazing discoveries ahead in many different disciplines,” said the professor who is already being considered as a Nobel Prize recipient. “It is wonderful to be on the ground floor of this exciting field and want to thank our private corporate sponsor, the Beano Company, for their long-standing financial support and encouragement.”
[END] The Sage News
- Shutter Speed and Orbs (shawnamcgeephotography.wordpress.com)
- UFO over San Antonio? Skygazer captures video of mysterious orb (khou.com)
- UFO over San Antonio? Skygazer captures video of mysterious orb (kens5.com)
If you missed our first two videos, check them out:
LOS ANGELES, CA – Thursday night the 197,788th annual rare-disease awards, formally known as the common disease awards, brought the house down at the Staples Center. The usual celebrities graced the red carpet: SARS, Avian Bird Flu, Ebola and rising star MERS, who won Best Chance to cause a Pandemic. H1N1, last years winner, presented the award. Measles and Mumps showed up without Rubella which set the twitter-sphere on fire.
The master of ceremonies, Pertussis, captured the night when he presented the Andrew Wakefield Lifetime achievement award to actress, TV personality, and armature vaccinologist Jenny McCarthy. “We are facing the brink of extinction and if it wasn’t for this brave woman’s hard work many of us today would be extinct.”
Pertussis went on to say “The ruse of linking vaccinations with autism was genius. Something the best and brightest of us never thought was possible.” Pertussis then went into a three minute coughing spell and then presented the award.
Ms. McCarthy gave a long incoherent speech consisting of lots of “yeahs” and “likes.” Pertussis interrupted her with a closing of encouragement, “as long as we have people that become well known for their acting abilities and good looks who promote scientific theories and health policies that put a halt to years of dedication and study, we have a shot!”
See how many rare diseases have been saved HERE.
- ABC’s ‘The View’ gives Jenny McCarthy a platform for crackpot autism theories (illuminutti.com)
- ‘Rare Diseases’ Give Jenny McCarthy Life-Time Achievement Award (davefromcamp.wordpress.com)
- Canada: Jenny McCarthy’s new View job protested by Toronto Public Health (crofsblogs.typepad.com)
- Toronto public health launching campaign against Jenny McCarthy (o.canada.com)
- Jenny McCarthy Joins The View And Wants To Talk To You About Vaccines (thegloss.com)
- Jenny McCarthy’s Dangerous Views (newyorker.com)
In a recent article titled “Fool’s Gold” i introduced you to a website called The Internet Chronicle that writes satirical stories a la The Onion. Their stories look to be mostly conspiratorial in nature and the loon websites continue to report these satirical conspiracy stories as fact.
Here is another story from The Internet Chronicle titled Snowden uncovers shocking truth behind Chemtrails. Besides the pure entertainment value of the article itself, i’m thoroughly enjoying all the conspiracists getting suckered by another of these stories.
Keeping in mind The Internet Chronicle makes no secret that their stories are completely fake, here is a few samples of the comments left by conspiracists in reaction to the Snowden uncovers shocking truth behind Chemtrails story AT THE INTERNET CHRONICLE WEBSITE:
For your enjoyment i am posting the story Snowden uncovers shocking truth behind Chemtrails from Internet Chronicle. You might want to head over there and read some of the other stories and the comments.
Pure face palm gold.
Mason I. Bilderberg (MIB)
MOSCOW, Russia – Edward Snowden, the hacker who gained access to every secret corner of the Internet during his tenure at the NSA, has come forward with details of a classified project to alter the world’s climate. The shocking truth, as he says, is that chemtrails are part of a benevolent program aimed at countering global warming. By cooperating in secret with jet fuel manufacturers, government agents have carefully kept the massive chemtrail efforts completely under wraps. Snowden added, “I am only revealing this program because there is no oversight in the scientific community, no public discussion, and little concern for the side-effects which are well known only to a few privileged people interested in continuing the decades-long chemtrail program in secret.”
Because climate change is a threat to U.S. agriculture, it has been labeled a national security issue. With the influence and cooperation of Monsanto, a secret Geoengineering lab dubbed Muad’Dib has been operating since the late 1960s, and the chemtrail program is often referred to by insiders as its “crown jewel.” Muad’Dib has aimed to protect North America’s climate at all costs – even if that means accelerating desertification in Sub-Saharan Africa or spreading trace amounts of carcinogens over lightly populated areas. Other side effects, which scientists at the secret Muad’Dib Geoengineering Lab have predicted, include droughts in the Amazon and powerful windstorms along the East Coast.
Snowden shared decisive documents with The Internet Chronicle, but out of concern for national security, only his testimonial can be published. These documents contain references to scientists who would surely be targeted by foreign counterintelligence, and their knowledge is vital to short-term survival of the United States.
Snowden said, “If this program were to stop, the scientists behind it strongly believe that within just one year the North American climate would spiral out of control, and crop failures would lead to a series of devastating famines that would quickly depopulate urban centers.”
- Fool’s Gold (illuminutti.com)
- Snowden uncovers shocking truth behind Chemtrails (pakalertpress.com)
- Snowden uncovers shocking truth behind Chemtrails (thetruthseeker.co.uk)
- Snowden Uncovers Shocking Truth Behind Chemtrails – HAARP Assassination Agenda – CFR Millions Spent Confuse Public (aircrap.org)
- Snowden Confirms Chemtrails (lunaticoutpost.com)
- Snowden uncovers shocking truth behind Chemtrails (talesfromthelou.wordpress.com)
- Hoaxes & Disinfo – Re: Snowden uncovers shocking truth behind Chemtrails (disclose.tv)
- Snowden uncovers “truth” behind Chemtrails (thefreedomagenda.wordpress.com)
- Stuff They Don’t Want You To Know – Chemtrails - (talesfromthelou.wordpress.com)
I made this image today in honor of all those conspiracists who cite YouTube videos as their source of information to support their wacky theories. Enjoy and share everywhere! :)
Have you ever wondered if conspiracy theorists actually live in their own world with little contact with anything close to reality?
Take Alex Jones for example who on a recent radio broadcast actually said, “I will defeat Rush Limbaugh in the free market of ideas. People, people like this show more than his” (video follows courtesy MoFoPolitics with transcript and commentary):
ALEX JONES: Take Orlando. We were on there one year. The station went from like number eight or nine in the ratings to number one with my show and Mancow before me. The put us both on. And then they just changed formats. And it’s like being number one on a station up against 50,000-watters a 10,000-watter. And I’ve done that over and over again. It’s like being number one is not enough folks.
I just, I’m not like wanting to beat Rush Limbaugh either. It’s just that we destroyed him. And it was in the news. It was in radio magazines that I’ve gone up against, I’m not up against Limbaugh on purpose. This was the slot I was offered in 1998. They said, “You want to go weekdays on this little network. We’re putting you here. That’s where we have a slot.” And I went up against Rush Limbaugh? And they said “Yes.”
And, so that’s why I’m there. I wanted to be on at nights quite frankly because I kind of wake up at night. And, but I mean I’ve been up against Limbaugh, toe to toe, well, hundreds of times, because, you know, stations come and go over the years, but I mean there are at least more than 20 occasions that we have come up to him in the ratings or destroyed him.
And, again, I’m not trying to destroy him via physically, get him off the air. It’s just that I will defeat Rush Limbaugh in the free market of ideas. People, people like this show more than his, and I’m on a little radio network that’s now got 1,400 affiliates. Not my show, but Genesis has 1,400. That’s a conservative number by the way. So, we’re not a little network. We were a little network.
It’s the American dream. It’s the idea. People want hardcore, Libertarian, patriot news. They want it unvarnished. And they get it here. And I will destroy all the competition if I’m put on a level playing field. In fact on a stilted playing field I’ll beat them. But I’m never given that chance.
Just how deluded is Jones?
Well here are the radio ratings for June via Talkers magazine:
You see Alex Jones’s name anywhere on that list?
No. Neither do I.
Just keep that in mind the next time he spouts another crazy conspiracy theory.
- Info-Spats: Even Conspiracy Theorists Are Sick of Alex Jones (illuminutti.com)
- Alex Jones Boasts His Ratings ‘Destroy’ Rush Limbaugh’s: ‘People Like This Show More Than His’ (mediaite.com)
- ‘Idiot’ Conspiracy Theorist Alex Jones Explodes On BBC Show (telegraph.co.uk)
- The economics of Alex Jones (salon.com)
This is volume 1 of The Con Academy videos—another resource in the Skeptics Society‘s arsenal of Skepticism 101 for teaching critical thinking and promoting science through the use of humor, wit, and satire. In this faux commercial for The Con Academy you’ll see how psychics count on the confirmation bias to convince people that their powers are real when, in fact, they are just remembering the hits and forgetting the misses. We also demonstrate how psychic “organizations” con people by taking their money for services that are not real.
- Psychic Sally Damages (In More Ways Than One) (illuminutti.com)
- Psychics…? They definitely saw me coming! (clarabella4.wordpress.com)
- Confirmation bias – ferreting favourable findings while overlooking opposing observations (scienceornot.net)
Having fun with the lovely students at King’s College London (KCL) with the force.
My favorite moron is at it again and this time he may have completely outdone himself. By the end of this video i was laughing so hard i was crying! Here is the dope on the BBC to discuss the evil Bilderberg group (Here is the super top secret Bilderberg website: www.bilderbergmeetings.org).
The video is 9 minutes long, the first 4 or 5 minutes is pretty slow – typical news reporting – but it picks up with Alex Jones completely losing it, the BBC host telling him to shut up and looking into the camera and saying “we have an idiot on the program” … pure chaos! Comedy gold.
Mason I. Bilderberg (MIB)
The annual conference of the secretive Bilderberg Group is meeting near Watford, with some leading political and business leaders from the US and Europe.
American “shock jock” Alex Jones joined Times columnist David Aaronovitch to discuss it – and ended up disrupting the show in spectacular fashion.
Presenter Andrew Neil described him as “the worst person” that he had ever interviewed.
- Andrew Neil calls Alex Jones an idiot in Sunday Politics clash (guardian.co.uk)
- Wake up sheeple! Alex Jones goes tonto on the Sunday Politics (newstatesman.com)
- Alex Jones Goes Off On One On The BBC – Crazy, Crazy Talk! (fordingtonfield.wordpress.com)
- Alex Jones blows open the BBC Sunday Politics Show (the-tap.blogspot.com)
- Alex Jones rants on BBC’S Sunday Politics show, Andrew Neil calls him an ‘idiot’ (metro.co.uk)
- Alex Jones RANTS on BBC Sunday Politics Show about BILDERBERG Group & NEW WORLD ORDER Agenda (financearmageddon.blogspot.com)
- BBC Host to Alex Jones: “You are the worst person I have interviewed. We have an idiot on the show.” (freakoutnation.com)
- Andrew Neill calls shock jock Alex Jones an ‘idiot’ – video (theweek.co.uk)