Via The Onion
(Above video: The indescribably stupid conspiracy theorist says the U.S. government has been funneling money to NASA for years.)
BARRINGTON, RI — Calling it the most scandalous cover-up of the past half century, dim-witted conspiracy theorist Daniel Burgess told reporters Thursday he believes the U.S. government has, for years, been clandestinely exercising total control over the National Aeronautics and Space Administration.
The 34-year-old dullard cited a wealth of evidence he said proves “beyond a doubt” that every NASA project—from Project Mercury to the moon landings to the shuttle program—has been approved and bankrolled by the federal government.
“Follow the money and you’ll find out who pulls NASA’s puppet strings: Washington, D.C.,” the unfathomable moron said. “The arrangement goes way back, too. Do you think it’s a coincidence that when NASA went to the moon they just happened to plant an American flag there? Don’t tell me the feds had nothing to do with that. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were on the government’s payroll. All astronauts are.”
“Think about it: The funding has to come from somewhere,” continued Burgess, mentioning records he found online that suggest the federal budget included $16.9 billion for NASA in the year 2013 alone. “And they’ve been careless enough to leave a massive paper trail.”
The simpleminded dope said he also finds it “highly suspicious” that so many astronauts have been ex-military personnel who came up through the U.S. Air Force.
According to Burgess, all the evidence linking the government to the space program is “hidden in plain sight.” Speaking to reporters from the basement of his home, where he waded through copious binders of documents representing more than a decade’s worth of research, he alleged that “every single president since Dwight Eisenhower” has been complicit in NASA’s operation. Richard Nixon approved the development of Skylab, he said, and Bill Clinton conspired to allow the International Space Station to move forward.
“Kennedy was in on all of it, too—he was actually one of the main guys, right from the start of his presidency,” said Burgess, pointing to several pictures of NASA administrator James Webb meeting with John F. Kennedy. “I’ve seen transcripts of his speeches, and I’m convinced: Kennedy knew. He knew about NASA the whole time. In the early ’60s, he talked about wanting to see a man on the moon ‘before this decade is out,’ and guess which organization did exactly that?”
This belief exists despite the fact that there is plenty of third party evidence that claims that we did indeed land on the Moon, and that none of the 400,000 people who worked on the Apollo project, including the 12 men that actually walked on the Moon it self, have ever said that the Moon landings were faked. This includes Edgar Mitchell, the sixth person to walk on the Moon, who believes the the US government is covering up the existence of aliens. If anybody in the whole group would have admitted that the Moon landings were faked, it would be him.
Oh and lets not forget the over 900 pounds of rocks, dirt, and dust, collected from the Moon, and the huge amount of money we spent getting there. Also, if you have a powerful enough telescope, you can actually see the landing sites.
So why do people still believe we didn’t land on the Moon?
- Embarrassing Conspiracy Theories: 9/11 Controlled Demolition (illuminutti.com)
- Why People Believe Conspiracy Theories (scientificamerican.com)
- 15. 8 Moon-Landing Hoax Myths – Busted (12160.info)
- XKCD debunks claims of the Moon landing hoax (timpanogos.wordpress.com)
- Embarrassing Conspiracy Theories: The Government Kills Conspiracy Theorists (illuminutti.com)